brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
