i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
