My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize