I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i came on her dog
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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