Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
