We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
