please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
