You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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