This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize