Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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