it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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