Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
