CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
