I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize