I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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