Umm I'm too high to move.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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