dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
