I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
