i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
