It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
