im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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