you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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