I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
