i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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