Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
