If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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