This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
