I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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