I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
