you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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