So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
