I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
