Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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