My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
