Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
50% drunk capacity currently
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
