Ambien. No doubt about it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
