He felt like a one man threesome
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
