I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
