If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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