I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
