Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
