this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
