a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
