The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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