His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
