I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
