I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
