She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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