so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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