god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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