Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
