I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
