I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
