My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
