well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
