She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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