y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
