pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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