Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
