I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize