you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
