my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We left the knife in your bed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
